Always saw yourself as ugly.
  because no care given about ure appearance
  because awkward behavior in public
    a battle you given up long time ago.
you learned that cute/ugly was relative and became a sapio sexual.
Its when a girl open her mounth that you determine if you like or not. rarely apprearence

@2016-11-01
You are starting to like what you see in the mirror.
You are starting to see yourself as handsome.
But still see yourself as socially awkward.
you work hard to make people confortable with you.
having a stisfying appearance help a lot talking to stranger.
i do get more smile from stranger, like bus driver, commerce (i was often ignored in costumer service)
it helped at job, i get more respect and less paternalism.
simply being respected. even my own wife respect me more than she never did.
being ugly is a great difficulty level, you have to be really funny and thing you didnt will be your fault for nothing.
I think i increased enough my appearance that i get some sort of acceptance from other.
thing i changed.
  let my hair grow and wear a headband that keep hair together, give me a inch of head. I dont look under average anymore. And it is the most flagrant effect on female.
  my beard hide my asymetric face. having it brushed daily combined with lot of hair look like its cared, but i am a no poo hippi.
  yoga made me stand with confort, and have more energy.
  worked my communication skill and learn to look people in the eyes when they are talking. get more control of the conversation.
  learned to speak about nothing, just to keep a good conversation and fill akward silence.
  at job people want to stay with me just to talk. it is funny that i am the one who put them back to work.
  being able to detect sophism and having a better grammar helped a lot too.
  I am not shutted down by grammar nazi or with stupid argument i cant compete.
  when interacting with women i feel less stuck in the friend zone like if flirt is possible and care/affection is not onesided.
when ugly, i had some success on sapio sexual woman. one said that you are looking idiot until you open your mounth.
jazz didnt crush me a first sight, i think i somewhat seduced her by being myself. comprehensive friend who is a good father.
being a good father gave me some credits.
I can imagine how much cute i must be by showing good parenting, intelligent reflection and good looking. not that my head will inflate but i need pride these time.
learned some art of seduction, not that i am interrested in mannipulating girl into sleeping with me. but i want to compensate my akward social skill.
Also i can detect narcissic mannipulator, and those are using the boyfriend destroyer technique, the fractionation system. and the eye gaze and touch.
while you experimented on stranger and saw that it dont always work. you had success with myelle who felt she was alone in the universe with you for hours.
as meant of seduction you learned to listen to people by looking at them in the eyes.
fill some akward silence with question related from what the other is saying. instead of puking knowledge. puking knowledge was your way of making friend, quality friend but overused they grow bored of it.
Also you learned to smile, smiling make you look better. compensate resting bitchy face.
I can scare people with my angry look. but having learned that the same look can be tweaked into piercing look, it made wonder its effect. seam its completly hypnothic.

@past 2000-2002
was not completly ugly at some time, i think that in the first years i was kind of good looking, but once i worked a daubois, all my clothe were scrap and i was in a terrible mood. I still managed to drag attention from gab, lune, mp, sylvie, melanie, melanie tresse, dou, anne banane.
i was wearing a trench coat, had earing (7) . white pant. chin beard.
@past 2003
i was good looking for a time, mp fixed my ugliness. my spiky hair and the thinnes i had.
I had myelle, and i could had emma maybe. sylvie invited me.

@2016-11-03
given support to a woman who used to look down on me.
since we met in bus, its more confortable. and now she seem to have good time working with me.
I think is half realted to having broken the glass and half about my cared appearance.
even male are more confortable with me.
wife constantly tell me im hot . but its hard to consider. though a yougn man stealed her hearth 2 years ago. 

@2016-11-04
i get more aggreable interraction, some other coworker(male) talk with me with pleasur, maybe my look make thing less akward.

@2016-11-05
two time a clerk entered my personal space yesterday.
while i am super sensitive of these event, and i was completly blind to flirt before, entering my personal space always between noticed by me.
at pharmaprix, i asked help to a clerk who really tryed to help me, going to ask pharmacist and return near me, bu really near me.
She was sorry that we didnt find what i was looking for. But she was in my personal space for an extended period of time, and got back a second time.was surprising.
I later crashed at le naturiste where a lady litterally entered my personal space, the only relatable memory was a woman who was ready to blow me for letting her buy beer. And she helped me a lot. She learned my name, my age and my phone number by filling my an acount. Her name is Laure.
There were a flirt. a playfull flirt with a stanger. nothing really important, but it made me feel good.
It made me feel handsome enough to build up the self esteem that i lacked. Now i feel i can go talk to a cutey and ask her out.

@2016-12-07
Myelle told me a girl at pharmaprix look at me a lot.
i traveled a lot in the town this week, i didnt crossed many woman, but i got smile.
especially when there were kids, i smile at them at the last moment i look at the mother if she notice me, and smile then continue.
it work , i get a smile, and maybe she think about me for a minute, if i am handsome she will fantasise.
My tongue is pinkyer now, the medication ended. i scrape my thong often. its been a while since i trained.
I asked a wrap to myelle in my hair.
Myriam came over. with Francois and EmyEve. She told me i was good looking.

@2017-01-02
felt handsome at the buffet today.
The waiter touched me. some woman smiled at me.
i liked that attention

@2017-01-10
two woman sit in the bus i way that they looked at me the whole ride. o e even pointed her cell cam on me.
i was leaning on the side window look outside..

@2017-02-24
i think i am handfull. i need to beleave it for a while.
just keep clean and nice. you are now single and horny as fuck. she expect you to fuck somewhere else so she feel less a whore in front of you.