I rewrite this part.
She cheated while pregnant of our first. it was a last time before engaging. she never understood the pain it caused me until 13 years later.
She emotionally cheated, flirted and benched me in 2015. She said she awaken after and regret.
She had a limerence with a friend of mine and keep it for herself.
I knew all this d-day i confessed a limerence, for the first time she felt, 
  not enough, beign second of your first. and she said , i regret the pain i did to you all these years.

Basicely she cheated because she is completly dumb. She basicely said, I didnt know it could affect you that way. 
While loosing her head off everytime I spend quality time with a woman. A dumb selfish jalous, only in sex. 
Because she put US (me her and kid) beyond everything). Selfish in love, generous at life.
She is now having hardtime looking herself in the mirror.

I am naiv, i trust her when she said she slept with only me for 13 years.
I beleave that one day we will be happy again.
I beleave that she is now really onto me. all about me, only with me.
I beleave that she is the best mother my kid could have.

But while I regarded myself as very trustworthy. tossed all girl who would be disloyal to her. avoided physical contact.
I neglected her affection, care, tolerance. completely defensive against her because I suffered a lot in the first years.
And because I though she were faking her sickness to make me more attentive. I didnt want to give it because she was a cheater and a lyer.

You dont lie to your enemy unless to make him suffer.
You lie to your love to avoid them to suffer.
Lie and Love is inseparrable.

She should not trust me. I am not being trustfull. I am not telling her my dettachment.
I flirt with the cashier, with her bestfriend, with her cousins, with coworker, with girl in the bus.
I have intention to cheat, and nothing you can do will prevent it without abuse.

I dont follow the book, i should tell her i am looking for someonelse. I get angry at her and treat her like shit.
I called her a whore. I called her stupid. I ve been violent. I putted her on the knee.
I dont feel i am a good husband.

I have to accept it, she is a cheater, a serial cheater, 
who cheated on me once. one last time before hooking up with me.
She have been emotionally infidel once, and she also flirted with several boys.

I have to accept it happened if i want to move on
I have to accept it will happen again
I have to accept we are not perfect.