@2017-02-26
first years together. remember lot of argument. at a time i was so depressed that i was spending hours in the shower just to have quiet time.
since she slept at sherbrooke and asked me to urge my feeling about it, i was desillusionned. i grieved alone that part.
I remember that i was not sexualy attracted to her at all after the conflict. I stayed for aurelie.
I remember having once though to myself, what the hell i got into. the one who broke my hearth the most is now bearing my child.
Many time i searched a way out. then i though of all good thing she did for me and obsessed to the idea of giving her back.
I was angry at her for lying, I was angry at her for cheating, I was angry at her for prioritising friend over me.
It was hard to get gaslighted and actually see it. but you will make my life so hard if i dont play it.
It was hard to be aggressed daily, to be exposed to all your friend.
you flirted online and act as if you didnt do anything wrong.
you try to make me beleave that you are stupid.

sexual desire grew back once i choosed to put my pride aside and beleave the lie as reality.
And then i grew strong love for her until 2015 when she mess herself up another time.
I though a second time to myself, people change

then everything that i willingly overlooked in order to keep harmony came back.
i didnt complained enough. i should have said no. i should have leaved.

I remember that i was not that bad, and she was not that nice.