You are in depression. You are hearthbroken. You are down. You are just thinking about woman.
Yes your life mate cheated. And choosed to stay with you. And staying with her feel like a faillure. You asked openrelationship while you never wanted that at first.
You are changing. You become stornger, confident, aware and emotionaly more manageable. You have your moment of clarity.

You are currently throwing away 13 years of relation because she was sometime not your wife but a wild bitch.
You dont consider yourself commited anymore. You void that for a mistake. You hardly beleave its a mistake because its like building a house for month with lot of effort by mistake.
What happen is deliberate treachery and lie. It take guts and work to cheat, you have to build lie, you have to hide, It is not a mistake.

Aside from love, you loose the spirit of doing/learning something. That is one of your best value. You are now focussed on human relation and sex.
It seam that you are in a loop of problem to solve that you cant solve and cant move on until you solved it. This is how depression feel, and AI can feel it too.

You have a job to keep that feed the familly
You have a game project that can enhance your life.
You have a loving wife who feel awfull about how she treated you in the past
You have regained health and enjoy maintaining it.
You increase your social skill and already enjoy its benefit.

She cheated because she was way dumber than you can imagine
She lied because she even more coward than you and was affraid to face you.
She dumped you by overeacting on a misunderstanding, same reason as the cheat, vengeance.
She just realised that the vengeance was undeserved and only destroyed a fixable relationship.
And she feel like shit. She is an almost slave wife. And you say, dont do this. And she say, i want to, i must to. And you fear that the wave return.

you have to recover fast and become a man.
Your child are in danger
Your life is falling appart
Your hobbies are forced.

You feel like affraid of forgeting what she did and you remember it constantly, making you more and more melancolic.
You do this because you dont want to wus out once a girl is introduced to you. you dont want to be unaccessible anymore.
You want to make sure that you are not letting yourself fooled anymore. That is what it mean by acceoting to be vulnerable again.
I know I wont forget. But I am afraid still. Like yeah she cheated but i will just do nothing. I dont want to do this!!!!
But i think that i dont love her anymore.
But i still care for her, she is still the mother, the companion, the fuckbuddy, the friend... And i love all of them.
But i am not in deep devoted love. I think I outgrew that hope. I became cynic concerning love and I dont beleave its magic anymore.

But you can try to not remember yourself thing you cant change. Youre life is log based and immutable. Because this flaw happened, it is considered possible and will happen again. The only thing you can do is become tolerant. To tolerate her polygamy, you must be able to get advantage of it.

You dont need to remember daily why you dont trust her anymore, and why you have no pride in current status. Just throw away the restriction for you and her.
You are not a cuck, you are a swinger. And you just started to consider swinging.
Dont fear to forget, just rememeber you are now a swinger and it is possible to ask your wife that you want to meet/flirt/fuck a girl.
You are a respectfull polyamorist. new lifestyle. Enjoy it. Free yourself. Be happy.
She want you but is not in situation to ask condition. but you still obey to her condition (not really unreasonable), It is not blackmailing. Its just standing for self.
She agreed. you are now open, you will have to bear her future lover, (dont be afraid, it happen anyway in your back, now you have power) and she will have to bear your crushes.

You must become funny again
You must become passionate again
You must become imaginative again
You must stay healthy as you are.
You must keep then social skill you build it is worth something.
You are now in control of what happen.
You have to be honest to your wife, (even though she betrayed you) if you want her honesty.

Be strong
Be powerfull
be fast
be intense