imaginary elyse : do f you feel guilty doing this with me. your wife is awesome. me : yes. but i shouldnt ... me : i have a free pass ... me : i ve been a cuck for the 13 first year ... me : i ve been faithfull for the first 13 years. she donts --------------------------------------- Her daughter was born 20 august 2015. She died on july 12 (not sure). She boyfriend cheated her with a girl I knew (and fapped to) while she was pregnant. She suffer from severe artritis since she was 3 years olds. She came to me on my first course of phylosophy. She smoke a lot, yellow teeth, trash, hangout with boys. She now study it in university. She is also a spiritual person. Studied theology for a while (until cancelation of the program) Why her here. You are close friend and she also befriend your wife, its dangerous to consider her. Well she came to me, often. She didnt let me go. she got in touch with myelle, without any intervention. One day, after I confessed my limerence. I noticed a flirt for the first time. She touched my finger. while giving me a lighter. And I repeated the thing. She hug me every time she arrive and go. but now we maintain an eye contact after. She slided her hand on my arm one day and then i was sure. we flirt. I repeated the pattern later and she tryed to do the same. Eyes contact longer than usual. She always were gorgeous clothe and I complimented her a few times. She now dating a young man named guyllaume. but she' not seem to be enthousiastic about it. Yesterday she said she was in a down and want to talk to myelle face to face. I think she may be a loyal girl who will stool me. I will like her even more for this. I have to admit that I like looking fool in front of her after saying something stupid. I like to be stupid in front of her. I enjoy to loose myself in her brown eyes. I feel romantic when i think about her. 2016-08-29 facebook moment. she liked my post on my habit of wearing socks in my sandal. i msg her. i am so sexy with my socks. and she msged myelle. saying. tell him to stop crusing me. i told myelle what i written. while saying thatbshe msg me the same thing. i asked her if she want a dick pic. didnt answer we talked and she told me about her father. i ended complimented her maturity. what happened she worry about the flirt and maybe want it end . she could be a loyal friend or simply not wanting to waste her time with a married man. shebis not sur of who is on the other side and while its an innocent joke. she made sure to protect herself it could have been myelle testing her loyalty. she could done a pysh pull technique to drive me crazy too. she is maybe just not interrested but see clearly my game. i will back off if she give me a sign of annoyance but the fact that we had an emotional talk is good @2016-08-31 overthinking thing the "stop seducing me technique". She hinted that i may be trying to seduce her. by protexting herself. she took an innocent dirty talk and used it on me. she is maybe far more intelligebt than me. @2016-09-02 you have little to no contact with her. she is maybe feeling guilty. she know what cheating do and she is close to myelle. you are likely to have to cope with a rejection. tibo confirmed me that she is an intelligent seducer. it is maybe a game for her with all boy. so i have to be conservative. despite that i am still interrested to go farther. its not like if i dont crush on everything myself. I am actually cheating my wife. @2016-09-06 she wussed the show with myelle and mm. Saying she dont have cash for it. It make me think she wont come at my birthday. and its over. ive gone too far and she was just playing. I got carried away in a romance and it hurt. I didnt made her feel better. I think I gave her a deception and she dont like me anymore. It would make her a very good lover to be this loyal. It make me love her more. @2016-09-03 confessed everything to tibo. it made me feel better. but he seduced elyse the day after. and i feel fooled. but i know he is observing her and she is sapio sexual. i must not really mind because i am a cheater now and i should feel compersion. myelle and her are ploting something for me, it make me anxious. myelle joked a threesome and it made me unconfortable. I thing its a funny sextoy for my birthday. All the way i think that i am overfeeling the flirt and she flirt with everyone. I feel unconfortable in my emotion its conpersion labor time. I should maybe consider that want me to stop. The "stop seduce me technique" is maybe a message that she is not interested. Her distance, and absence is maybe a sign of "its over" respect that. you still have sex every day. you will find someone else. maybe you will talk about it. understand her feeling. she is not about to waste her time having an affair. it was good for the time it passed. prepare yourself for that eventuality. Once you are sure you are done, confess it to myelle. @2016-09-04 no contact from her, she talked to myelle, she fetched tibo . but i have no news from her. I am preparing for a backoff. myelle and her plot something, its maybe why i am being ignored. or she wait me to make a move. in all case i feel screwed. @2016-09-08 daydreaming about sex with her. 69 were i stand and she is upside down. and i hold her body in a hug. can clearly see her tatoo upside down while im kissing her flower (A cross upside down) (sign of the devil) I feel romantic when i think about her. She is now my official crush. maybe it will be a platonic love like what she had with justin. @2016-09-10 she came to my bday. her "BF" didnt we had little contact but we spoke alot emotionally and spiritualy we spoke love. pain. death. god. being bisexual. she had my bday laugh with her hampron (with a dick) i had occasion to touch her ankle while taking picture elyse is an observer. she identified my communication skill i worked out the box. because i entertained the conversation and brought her to the subject. i wanted to know about her. and we exchanged. the yougn man who court her is a good one she is just not ready to commit. i consider her withdrawal as a back off (i think myelle know . she mentionned her hormonal lack of control). its possible that she may know the thing. but i dont think elyse is not emotionaly toward me. she said ut was magic online i kind of felt it that way to. there were a warning shot from marie michelle. it made thing little awkward. @2016-09-12 overthinking thing again She reminded me that stupid thing i said to make her laught. Yes it was a stupid attempt from me to flirt online. Once i did she automaticly noticed myelle. and she reminded me that twice. I think i got fooled. Myelle also mentionned that they are supporting them self as girls. It mean they communicate about it. And I just fell on their trap. Dear Elyse, as I started to feel you, I offered you a deception. And by backing off, you became more lovable. But you gave me confirmation about myself. Im done with purity and I crave for love. Im done with fidelity because it just made me a cuck. I am done with honesty because I just came out as a fool. I want to tell you how myelle killed me. But it wont make anybody feel better. @2016-09-16 i confessed to myelle. we dont have contact with since a while. myelle lost a friend, i lost love. i asked for openrelationship. myelle said yes but not without complain Anyway, you helped me a lot. You showed me how love is sweeter than sex. I love you Elyse, I will miss you. I dont think it is a farewell. But its the end of a dream. @overthinking she told me about her ex infidelity while she was pregnant, it immediatly reminded me the same thing for myelle. She is an observator. Maybe she detected my eyes twiching to memory. But i am left handed, i am not sure if she remember that fact. But it is possible that she knew. @2016-09-22 elyse called myelle in because she wanted to talk. while myelle know she think she will confess. but i think she will wus and talk about her boyfriend or mother or say something nice to our couple. She is already at her place at this moment. ... She didnt bring the subject at all. Myelle say it was not awkward. she talked about her theatre, her fuck buddy and more. almost exactly as i expected. seams i am still connected from my side, still feel good thinking about her. miss her. even though she cut me off, for good reason. @2016-09-23 Myelle had good time with her, with only one akward moment when myelle asked her what she should tell her not on social media. "She was refused to university". Of course it is an hard thing. I asked her how she feel and answered its ok. Not really want to share this with me. Two interpretation: dont want to share this with me because of shame dont want to share this with me because she want to back off it is not what really grind her gear, she wussed to talk about the flirt. Her boyfriend/fuckbuddy have a big flaw, he cut people talking to say something by physically putting his hand on mouth of the one talking.. damn... I understand why she is not eiger to make him an husband. I see three scenario -flirting with me made her unconfortable and she is keeping me far away while she have thing to fix. -She have feeling for me and self convince the right thing to do by shaking herself out. -University refusal broke her appart and she is now recluse. Seams that i worry about her. fact -three contact happened in a three week span. -complete silence for a while (university refusal) -not ignoring but stay away -no flirt at all during birthday but she came and we talked emotionally. who is kind of flirt. but also friend bonding. -she bought me a gift and we made a funny picture together. -i drove the conversation and she made me notice, while it was exactly what i was intend to do. I wanted to talk. -not ignored but unsolicited on facebook -i am playing with someone who is far beyond my social skill. She is aware of so much thing and know communication like a nerd know computer. -she flirt everybody -she is bitter with the idea of cheating. More to come. @2016-09-26 definitely ended. she came yesterday to fetch something she forgot at my bday. She was looking strong and energic. Sexy as fuck, clivage shown. But never looked at me in the eyes. superficial hug. She is keeping a distance and only look at myelle. this is ok. it was amazing while it happened. I miss it but i understand. it feel like a rejection. but i know its not rejection. it is self control. Or maybe a direct rejection. Buty the initial interest is clear. While not getting attention. i am not pushed away. And myelle is not jaelously making us apart. We will what her show, she is doing theatre. me and myelle. elyse father fronted the ticket. Elyse said that she was jaelous a lot. Why she say this, her new bf is untrustable ? later i saw to consecutive post from her on facebook. The first trump kissing his daughter. like a lover to make him lot like a pedo. another that dont really matter. and one that show a mandarine quarter fitted in a garlick . saying not everyplace you fit is the place you should be. not really a meaningfull post, but its is posted from a single-dad group. It as a meaning regarding a familly where someone is happy but not alike other. Or someone who fitted in but is not himself too. I know that she have a lot of friend, but I know i one with kids and wife. Let alone the desire to be reciprocated, it could mean she is asking me to quit myelle for her. but i wont. But it could be completely unrelated. It could also be a notice me, dont ignore me. anyway where done. where done. the end. i should stop hopping. @2016-09-27 still overthinking thing. With the post concerning dad. She just fooled herself, and someone corrected her. She thoug it was, "can still be your place if you fit even if different" but it was "not because you fit, mean it your place" For who live in abusive relation and need the ball to quit. I felt targeted. But it was not. she doesnt handle english perfectly. @2016-09-28 7*4 i didnt put a like on a post from elyse for a while. but this morning she tagged me to something silly, and i clicked like. Its like, i dont ignore you. I rerod the chat that maybe made thing bad. it was a good joking talk, she just said "im am not at ease, its border line sex chat" And we joked. she talked about her father. it wasnt a stop harrassing me. it happend august 29 2016, two week before bday. I am pretty sure she want to confes to myelle but wus out every time. Still over thinking about a crush. its loveinvain monster in my tummy. @2016-09-28 rereaded all elyse folder. time was really long. Last flirt (human contact) happened before 29 august. but after myelle bday. we had one on 16 july, myelle bday party. @2016-10-03 saw elyse yesterday, received a new strain from hugo, dark angel, feel like you are becoming ghost rider. she was with tibo, the relationship is building between them and i couldnt be against because its the perfect match rationally. she avoided eyes contact with me all the time, i mimiced her in respect, she dont directly talk to me but to us or myelle. the message is clear, stay away, it could mean she is really angry at me, with reason. but also that she is not stone cold in front of me, she feel vulnerable and do exactly what i did when i was in the same situation. turning down. it mean i can still walk toward her, just more slowly and she will continue to like me. of course i feel like rejection, but rationality in that story is more solid. By thinking that maybe she is avoiding me on purpose, mean she still like me but dont allow herself to, i sended a msg about the weed batch she bought. Strain dark angel, feel like ghost rider. She responded positively and said, i couldnt wait to empty my current stash and try it. She dont want me to think she dont want to see me again, she is playing from distance. I know that she and tibo will maybe get together, maybe already. I trust tibo for not reveal her my secrets. I hope tibo is not a bad friend on this. i would love to see them together. though i am little envious. I should not, i have the best compagnon already. I hope that one day i can spend time with her alone, even with no flirt, just because i like her a lot. i love her. @2016-10-04 got some attention on facebook, overthinking thing again. changed her profile picture. I didnt click like. Im afraid to cross the creep zone. I should back off too but i dont want. She was called a drunk girl because of the wine bottle, she said we were 3 on it. I ask if it was the one that we didnt finish, and remind me the moment we drank it on her balcony. It is an intense souvenir for me because i gazed her sight intentionnaly for the first time. and i saw lust in her. public communication channel seam open, but i think that 1-1 conversation is out of scope. @2016-10-17 Saw elyse scene, she emotionnaly touched us with asketch written by herself that expose herself litterally. The sketch was about a guy flirting with a girl in public, then she politely turn him over because she is married. It was beautiful. I have a feeling that is maybe related to our adventure. I was her bf. he is a good guy who deserve respect. She seam to be alike. She still avoid eye contact with me. but still seam to trust me as a friend. Let stay in respect zone until she gave me a sing. Were smoking a joint and she got close to me for hiding it while other actor was passing by. Not sure if i reacted correctly, it took time to understand. I wonder if there is still something, or it there were something from the begining. @2016-10-23 saw her last thursday. i was tele-commuting job while healing. she fetched me to join them down stair. She said something funny that made us laugh.. the only eye gase we got and it was only friendship. and then she was facing only myelle, but then later changed her orientation so she faced both of us. start feeling secure to open up. i wasnt sad its done. im still open for it. @2016-10-26 myelle had helped her fixing her computer, and had my help. she thanked me because she know i am running away when people ask me too. and we joked like good friend we where. she off course observing before opening. her last role had taken lot of time of her. she is moving forward with her new lover. its cute. i am not mad. she wasnt really turned on by the piercing, maybe she dont like them. @2016-10-28 i was overthinking a bit. yes we flirted a little, she turned me over. and then only interacted with me trhough myelle. but she had that theatre role that took all her time, and now she is getting closer to myelle once its done. She is quick on critic, she was criticise her bf while he was helping on the stage. I think he is a good man for her. and she have thing to learn from him. I am still in love. and i took it personal. @2016-11-04 she and myelle meet often. they bonded together. they see each other a lot on daytime while im not there. they talked about elyse lesbian trip. myelle hinted me this. it surprised me , i was seeing her as more hetero. well, its definitely over, but the feeling is still there. i liked to hope something. i would like thing to not end, but it ended and i respect her choice. @2016-11-07 Analysis of what i was searching in elyse. If i recall myself, i liked looking like a fool in front of her. that mean that i looked a way to feel vulnerable again. but i think its a good thing that she decided to be loyal to my mannipulative wife. I have to keep in mind that the high level of seducing ability and theatre skill may be a warning signal that i should not be vulnerable in front of her. For now i idealize her as more emotionally mature than I. Study philosophy and accept spiritualism. She is satisfying a lot my intellectual thirst. I beleave that the more intelligent you get (starting from a certain level), the more empathic you become. Then even a mannipulator or a psychopath may be able to work for common good. then this kind of tocix personnality is make thing work right. If elyse is a mannipulator, she may choose who she is mannipulating according to common good. like now she is trying to make me not cheat myelle. I must take her affection for what it is. and not what i would like it to be. But in fact, i found a sapiosexual ideal feminin whom i felt completly vulnerable against and i fell in love. But she turn out to not wanting this relation to go that far so she cutted me. It was a revelation for me. @2016-11-15 Elyse know. Elyse denied everything Elyse said that she didnt even noticed it. Elyse is maybe a liar, or i am really parano. nope she willingly touched me and hidden her act when myelle arrived, it was the last time. I said it was akward and that i am not ready to do as if nothing in front of her. I asked pardon to avoid her. she said "Je ne te juge pas ... c'est normale que tu souffre ... c'est a rien d'etre vindicatif ... c'est normal que tes idees ne soient pas dans l'ordre." Well that sum it all. I just replied that "je te jure qu'il n'y avait pas de vengeance" and then we are done. I dont even miss her. i cried an hour and she is gone. it was nothing I think it is the end of the story. a sad story good bye elyse