I gave her little attention to an affective addict.
She is irrational and she kind of burned the house by revenge.
She cheated. and had a four month affair.

Two thing she done to the relationship.
she lost trust.
she made me loose pride in my relationship.
I have pride in the familly but not my love life.
That what cheating do to me.

Once the pride is gone, allong with trust. i dont consider myself happy.
while she is working hard to convince me. I am not anymore bound to her.

I asked openrealtionship.
not by vengeance.
because i dont trust her to be monogamous
And i found it really hard to tell her about Elyse because i didnt want it to end
In openrelationship i can tell her while its happening and continue to enjoy it.
And it apply to her too. ill get some power on her love life i never had.
And i want it to be equal.
I dont feel equal being faithfull to someone who struggle to be too.
I dont feel equal that she had her flaw and the fun that come with it.
I dont feel she really what to remove these event from her past.
  because she said I want to throw away your sadness,
  abstract hope, she should hoped to prevent herself from doing it.
I dont beleave anymore that she will change.
Because now she is in stress.

It is not vengeance,
because the best vengeance would be walk away.

I want to regain pride and trust with her.
This is why I will become like her.
Old devoted martin is dead.
Only remain a broken hearth who remember his love for the mother of his child.

I still want to take care of her.
I just cant anymore brag about our mariage.
it does not have anymore value to me.
beyond the paper that protect kids.